Unintended consequences

When my son was just beginning in school he had a few teachers that made a huge impression on his little mind and heart.

In kindergarten he had a teacher who was love incarnate, she was a light to behold when she was with her class and each student was blessed with her bright smile and easy laughter.  She looked like Sarah Jessica Parker with a little added bounce in her step and just radiated happiness.  The kids learned how to treat each other and how to stand on their own in this little part of the world.   He learned that first year in school, how to make friends, listen, be still , focus and that learning was fun.

In his first grade year it wasn’t the same, sadly that years teacher managed to instill fear, anxiety and stress into his mind and heart.  We didn’t notice it at first since the beginning of the year there were no issues at school, not until I’d gone to the first parent teacher conference was he all of a sudden a “problem student”.  Being encouraged at home to speak  what he was thinking, and ask for what he needed, he managed to consistently put himself right in the cross hairs.   He was always encouraged by us to be himself and not to let the opinions of others bring him down or make his day difficult.  That was harder as his year went on for our little guy.

It came to a head one day when his grandmother was in town.  His teacher wanting to underscore his “difficult personality” made a huge production that he’d tied his shoes together and when he asked for help to get his shoes untied so he could walk he was told “no one wants to help you”, then told he couldn’t leave the classroom until his shoes were safely untied.  Our son tried and tried and since “no one wanted to help” finally took his scissors and cut his laces so he could go to the bathroom.  While his teacher told this story to my wife, mother, and myself, each of us was in a state of disbelief.  Who tells a child “no one wants to help you”? My mother as is a grandma’s right bent herself so she was looking directly in our son’s eyes and said “so…do you want to go go McDonalds”?  Effectively dismissing the teacher, and also keeping our little guy from bursting into tears in fear of punishment. There was no punishment, there were no raised voices from us. It was clear to us that we had some work to do to help him not keep that “no one wants to help” in his little mind or heart. At the end of the school year that teacher went out on maternity leave. After the year our son had been through you would think the last thing he would do is put himself in this teacher’s way again, but no..true to his open hearted and loving nature the first thing he did when school started up again was stop by her classroom to inquire on her health and that of her new baby.

The unintended consequences created by both of these women still live in my son today.  My son loves to sing, and is a creative soul, his memory is vivid and detailed.  He is very honest (to a fault at times), but he also is very careful with younger children. He makes sure that he doesn’t cause them stress or fear, and does make sure that he can make them laugh even if it’s at himself.  He is stronger and more determined, and he is also willing to pitch in and help in projects (even if he, like most teenage kids fusses part of the time). He knows that not everyone who crosses his path will have his best interests in mind and also he knows that other people won’t even notice him if he’s in front of them, but that’s not a weight he carries, that’s not something that fills him with doubt or angst.  He just keeps moving ahead, growing into the person he wants to be.

We do and say things frequently without any intent behind our words other than to express ourselves. It is a challenge at times to edit ourselves and make sure that the words that come out won’t be damaging.

I’m not saying that we need to lie, or not speak our truths, but I fully believe that we should take care of our words.  I’m not perfect no where near it, but I do my best, as do you and the people who are part of your clan or family.

Each day is filled with choices and ways that we can improve our world .  It’s a choice of course when we start our day are we going to open our eyes and be thankful that today we are here to make the world a bit brighter.  Or do we instead damn the alarm clock that woke us and begin our day on the down note so that the only place we can go is down?

Make a choice today, right in this moment that the unintended consequences of your life will be to leave people feeling lighter, and more joyful than they were before crossing your path.  Make the decision that you will walk lightly in the lives of others and also in your own life.  Don’t judge yourself today on what you’ve done if you’re feeling ill when you could do more had you been healthy.  Give yourself the blessing of forgiveness and understanding.

Share your light, there are people who are inspired by you every day. ❤

~Kelly Clairsentient Medium


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